10.26.2010

I Went Back

It feels like Winter here in Vancouver. This weekend was the first time I really felt it. The cold air piercing through the thickness of my sweater. Fingers so cold they make your husband jump when you touch his warm skin. Red noses. Socks. I hate wearing socks. They make my feet feel claustrophobic. No, really. I get these random attacks in the evening while I'm lying on the couch and start yelling at my husband to take my socks off as fast. as. possible. (My legs are usually sprawled over his lap when this happens. I don't expect him to come running downstairs just to take off my socks. That would be ridiculous. But the thought has crossed my mind ;) haha)

Cold weather brings rainy days. Rainy days bring cancelled photo shoots. That's what happens when you're a natural light photographer. You need natural light, aka the sun. Which means that I won't have as many shoots to blog about. So now I have to start being creative. Not sure how this will go as my mind is usually a constant state of mush, exerting all my energy and coherency toward my daughter. But I'll work on it!

I came to a realization today. Knowing who are are in Christ is directly linked to your confidence in yourself. I went through a good chunk of time where I really wasn't sure about where I stood in my faith and this so-called "life to the full" that Christ promised us if we follow Him. During this time I was constantly feeling not up to par. Felt like something was missing. I was a little depressed. I didn't have confidence in myself as a person, let alone anything I grew up to believe. It wasn't a fun state to be in. Always unsure and uncertain. About everything.

I remembered a time in my life when my faith was simple. There was no doubting or needing answers to questions that couldn't be answered. There was just faith. Clean and simple faith. Christ died for me. Check. Christ loves me. Check. Christ came and died for me to give me life and life to the full. Check. Done. Signed, sealed, delivered, I was His. But as I went on with my life different ideas and views and questions started to come up. I started needing answers to those questions that really could never be answered. I started doubting the hugeness of God. It happens. Lots of people go through a time of uncertainty in their faith. But God never does. He never stops loving us, never stops guiding us even if we haven't asked him to.

Anyway, long story short, I went back. I went back to my "old faith", back to when life was simpler because the Truth was greater. Having this new found understanding of Christ and His presence in my life has given me a new stance on life and in my confidence with myself. Somehow the two go hand in hand. I don't care if I don't have all the answers. I'm glad that I don't and that I can't. If we were able to figure out who God is and why everything happens the way it does then He wouldn't be God. We can't figure it all out, it's not possible. He's too great for that. His ways are so intricate and above and beyond anything that we could ever fathom that it's just not possible. And I love that.

Anyway, that's my rambling for the day. I've got a sick baby who's catching up on some much needed sleep right now (rough night in the Voth house last night) so I'm going to catch up on some work.

Enjoy your Tuesday!

2 comments:

  1. Lovely post!

    I need to get back to that "old faith," and get out of the confusion and frustration that comes when you forget to trust that God is who He says he is.

    Thank you! I needed this little bit of inspiration today.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hear ya Kathleen! And that confusion and frustration is not from God. I pray you go back too!!

    ReplyDelete

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